


Aftermath

by boymeetsevils



Series: The Louis/James (Louames) Series [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 20:25:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18059483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boymeetsevils/pseuds/boymeetsevils
Summary: Killing someone has always been Louis' worst fear. When he can't repress the memory any longer, James tries his best to comfort and care for him.Part 2 of the Louis/James (Louames) series, but can also be read as a standalone fic.[Set after Episode 3: Broken Toys. Consistent with the Violet captured and shoot Lilly route]Update: This series is now an "Everything is Fine/No one was Killed or Mutilated" AU. (Except Marlon, who is dead.)





	Aftermath

In the few weeks that had passed since James had joined the kids at Ericson's, it had become a routine for him to take a walk around the school before going to sleep. It was becoming clear to him that he cared for these kids more than he liked to admit. Out of habit, he would make a single lap around the dorms, listening intently for the quiet voices of the kids chatting with their roommates. He would often see the dim light from a candle shining from the crack underneath the door, which usually meant that someone was reading or drawing before bed. When he had finished his lap and confirmed that everyone was safe in their rooms, he felt a weight lifted from his shoulders.  
  
One night, he didn't complete his lap as planned. He heard the sound of muffled sobs coming from Louis' room and the door had been left partially open. James hesitated, debating whether he should try to talk to him. Ever since they had returned from the rescue mission Louis had been trying his best to keep a smile on his face and to lift the others' spirits. James had the impression that he had been acting that way for the others' sake and that he had been struggling with something that he wasn't talking about.  
  
James took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. He didn't feel right about leaving Louis alone like this. His conscience compelled him move forward, slowly pushing the door open.  
  
"...Louis?" he called, peering inside the room apprehensively.  
  
Louis raised his head, turning quickly to face the door. "James? Fuck, I - I didn't want to wake anyone up."  
  
They couldn't see each other very clearly in the low light from a single candle, but James could tell that something was off. Louis was hunched over, his arms wrapped around his knees. He could have sworn that he could see him trembling. His cheeks were wet and his eyes looked sore from crying.  
  
"You didn't," James reassured him. "I was just taking a walk. Are you... okay?"  
  
"I'm fine, I just... I can't..."  
  
Louis tried to suppress the tears, lowering his head to hide his face from view. His body wracked with sobs, even as he tried to remain silent. James felt compelled to move forward to comfort his friend, his desire to help overpowering the anxiety that he felt around other people.  
  
He moved to sit next to Louis on the bed and suddenly found himself being crushed under Louis' weight as the boy embraced him tightly, sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder. James felt his body automatically entering fight or flight mode against his will, still unused to human contact. It would take some time for his body to stop associating human contact with pain and fear, but this was pushed to the back of his mind as concern for Louis overshadowed his senses.  
  
He slowly wrapped his arms around Louis' back, feeling tears soaking through his shirt and Louis' ragged breaths against his neck.  
  
"Louis... you can talk to me. Did something happen?"  
  
"I... I killed someone," Louis whispered, shaking uncontrollably and struggling to speak through his sobs.  "When we were on the boat. It happened so fast and I - I didn't mean to kill her."  
  
James felt anxiety gripping his chest and he closed his eyes, trying to stop old memories from coming to the surface. He couldn't think about that right now. This was about Louis, not his past.  
  
"Try to breathe, Louis. It's... it's over now."  
  
"Minnie was attacking Clem and I was trying to stop her but she wouldn't listen, and then Dorian came up behind me and in a second she was dead... I - I keep seeing it over and over again. It won't stop."  
  
James tried to remain calm, for Louis' sake. He couldn't break down right now, but he felt himself holding back tears despite his efforts. He knew what Louis was feeling all too well.  
  
"I... I know how you feel," he admitted. As painful as it was to speak those words, he couldn't deny the truth.  
  
Louis wiped his cheeks, trying to control his breathing. The shock of James' words distracted him momentarily.  
  
"You do?" He looked up at James, bloodshot eyes seeking an answer. James' eyes met his, full of pain and regret. Louis could sense that he was trying to hold back tears. James nodded, trying to push down the feeling of panic that was threatening to take over.  
  
"I'm - I'm sorry," Louis whispered, his voice uneven and shaking along with his body. "I shouldn't have - I'm sorry you had to go through that."  
  
James remained silent, knowing that he would break down if he said another word. He was thankful that Louis had come to the correct conclusion without him having to say it. He didn't know if he could bear saying what he had done right now. He concentrated on comforting Louis, rubbing his back gently as the tears continued to flow down into his shirt. A few minutes passed but the sobs kept wracking through Louis' body, slowing and picking up again in an endless pattern.  
  
"How... how do I..." Louis struggled to get his words out through his tears. "How can I possibly deal with this? How do I live with this?"  
  
"I... I'll try to help as much as I can. I know that... there's pain, no matter what you do. If you try to push it down, it'll catch up to you later. So you - if you can, when you're ready, you... can try to let yourself feel it for as long as you can. And then try to come back to the present."  
  
"How... how do I do that?"  
  
"Is there anything that tends to help you when you're sad?"  
  
"I - I think playing piano used to - it did, but it's not working right now. I can't."  
  
"That can happen. Sometimes things that made us feel better can stop working for a while. When that happens, I... I try finding new things to concentrate on. Simple things."  
  
"W-what kind of things?"  
  
"Well, ah... for a long time I used wind chimes, but I know that we don't have one here right now. When there's nothing else - I tried to focus on listening to myself breathing, or someone else's breathing, if there was another person around."  
  
"O-oh- I think I used to do that... back when I used to share a room with my friend Marlon."  
  
"Marlon..." James frowned. He didn't know much about Marlon, but he knew that he had died fairly recently. Several of the kids were still in mourning and frequently visited his grave. "I'm sorry, Louis."  
  
Louis clung tightly to James' clothes, burying his face in his neck. "Does the pain keep coming back - over and over again, forever?"  
  
It was a difficult question to answer - James knew what the truth was, but he wanted to word it in a way that allowed for Louis to still have hope.  
  
"I... I want to be honest with you so that I can help as much as possible. Yes, it always comes back. But each time that it does - it passes, too. It's... difficult to endure. Almost impossible to endure. But it does fade - it's not there constantly. Over time, it will become easier to experience good emotions again - happiness, contentment, enjoyment, hope - they can come back."  
  
"You're a lot stronger than I am, James. How did you - how did you feel hope again, when you were living alone?"  
  
James thought for a moment, feeling Louis' sobs easing slightly. He hoped that his words were helping, even though he didn't have much to offer other than memories of his own experience. "It's... hard to describe. For a long time, I didn't have much hope - just a tiny spark that was buried, deep down inside. Hope that... protecting people and walkers might... allow me to make up for what I'd done. But that hope was just enough to make me hold onto myself and this world - when I ran into Clementine and AJ, they were the ones that... brought it out of me again. Hope that humans could be good - that I could... be around people again."  
  
"That's... wow. I didn't know they had such an impact on you."  
  
"I could sense that they were good people," he explained. "Seeing someone as kind and compassionate as Clem raising a child - it was like a shock to my system, to think that that child had a fighting chance for a happy life. And then when I met you and the rest of her friends-" he paused for a moment, still feeling a bit flustered at the memory. "The way you all accepted me and welcomed me... it meant more to me than you know."  
  
"Oh. I... I'm glad." Louis wiped cheeks and attempted to wipe the tears from James' neck and shirt with his sleeve. "I'm sorry I cried all over you. I'm not usually like this, I swear. If you hadn't noticed, I usually use humour as a coping mechanism."  
  
"I noticed," James smiled softly, relieved to see Louis calming down. "No one can be strong all the time. You're very good at putting on a brave face for the others but you need to take care of yourself too. If... If talking to me helped at all, then I'm glad."  
  
"It did. You helped a lot. I still can't... quite seem to stop, but I feel better." Louis wiped away more tears, his breathing still shaky and uneven, but the sobs seemed to have stopped wracking through his body for the moment.  
  
"Is there... anything else I can do to help?" James asked.  
  
"If you... I - this might be embarrassing but if - if you could stay the night, I think it might help. I just don't... want to be alone right now. I'm afraid I might... break down again."  
  
James nodded, standing up. "I can stay. I'm just going to drag the other bed so it's closer to yours, okay?"  
  
He carefully pulled the bunk bed from the other side of the room until it was only a foot from Louis' bed, allowing him enough space to get out of the bed if he needed to.  
  
"Is this okay? I figure we- we still have space to get out if we need anything but I can still stay with you."  
  
"Y-yes, I think that's good," Louis sighed in relief. There was something soothing and comforting about James' company and he felt that he really needed it right now.  
  
James gently blew out the candle and both boys laid down in their separate beds. Sharing a bed with Louis had crossed his mind, but he didn't know if he was ready to share a bed with another person again. He was glad that they were able to sleep together in the same room, close enough that he felt a sense of intimacy that he hadn't felt in a long time, but far enough that he was comfortable letting his guard down and going to sleep.  
  
The boys lay in silence for a while and Louis tried to focus his mind on the steady, constant sound of James breathing. He counted each time the other boy inhaled and exhaled until his mind briefly slipped and then he started again. It was definitely working, he thought, feeling his mind slowing and the tension leaving his body.  
  
"Thank you," he whispered in the darkness. "It really helps... that you're here. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come in."  
  
"You don't need to thank me. I'm just glad I could help," James replied. In the stillness and quiet, he was distinctly aware of how Louis' breathing was gradually evening out over time. Once he had calmed down significantly, James felt himself beginning to drift off to sleep. "Goodnight, Louis," he said as he yawned. "I'm here if you need anything."  
  
"Thank you. Goodnight, James."  
  
As James slipped into unconsciousness, his breathing slowed, but the steady sound continued to comfort Louis. He was finally beginning to feel at ease again and he suddenly felt exhausted from all of the tension and stress he had felt earlier. He turned his head to look over at the other boy and he was taken aback by the overwhelming feeling of fondness and attachment that he felt towards him.   
  
Louis watched him for a moment, captivated by the sight. In the low light coming through the window he could only see the outline of James' body, his chest rising and falling with each breath as he slept soundly. A mix of positive emotions came over him - warmth and tenderness and caring and affection all wrapped up together. He closed his eyes and continued listening to James breathing, the feeling of intimacy lingering in his mind until he finally fell asleep.


End file.
